Friday, 30 July 2010
Tuesday, 27 July 2010
Thursday, 22 July 2010
We have received an overwhelming response from experienced Bad Taste Bear wranglers (collectors) all over the world who are suggesting that some have become immune to the disease of the Walking Ted and therefore they can harness and control these rotten, man-eating teddy bears!
This must be due to the fact that BTB collectors have been exposed to these horrors for many years and are now impervious to the infection. This is great news! Perhaps there is hope after all?
Therefore I implore all bad taste bear collectors to gang together as an experienced band of Zombie Killers and help set the world (or what’s left of it) free from the evil clutches of the Dawn of the Ted!!!
Everyone be online at 6.30pm today to capture the first wave of ‘Dawn of the Ted’ and help us to salvage some kind of humanity…..
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Out of Control
If you are still reading this, then you will know that everything has gone to s**t…
I am now barricaded in an old farmhouse, somewhere in deep
After some amazing heroics from warehouse manager Billy and Dexter the dog, (who joined forces as a unlikely, blistering, zombie killing machine) most of us managed to get away in one piece and have spent the last 2 days and nights hiking up North.
We are all very tired and need to re-group our thoughts… How can we regain control of our situation and turn these dreadful circumstances into our favour?
Perhaps our beloved BTB collectors can help us?
Tuesday, 20 July 2010
“The quarantine areas are becoming more and more difficult to control,” says Met Police Chief Sir Ian Blair…
In a controversial interview with (everyone’s favourite paper) the Daily Mail, Met Chief, Blair, argues that efforts to hold back and destroy the ’hordes’ of Walking Teddy bears are failing and that the Government is too late and should concentrate efforts on helping the un-infected evacuate to areas of safety which are becoming fewer and fewer apart.
It is now common knowledge that the Walking Ted can only be destroyed by removing the head or destroying the brain; but where possible, do not approach these creatures. They are extremely aggressive. One bite can cause a terrible fever, a dreadful rage and an extreme case of the munchies!?
Evacuees are being ushered onto ferries in the UK ports of Aberdeen, Newcastle, Hull, Dover, Portsmouth, Folkestone, Plymouth and Swansea in the hope that they can be safely secured on smaller islands surrounding the UK, such as the Isle of Mann, the Isle of Wight, the Orkney’s, Jersey and Guernsey.
Monday, 19 July 2010
“We are starting to take control of the situation,” says Deputy Minister Clegg.
"Although it is still unknown as to how the infection began to spread and as to how it continues to spread, the government are beginning to quarantine infected areas and
are starting the process of burning and burying the bodies of the disease ridden bad
If you come into contact with any of the Walking Ted, please either flee the scene, or if forced, remove the heads and destroy the brains of the infected,” continues Clegg.
....by his very own teddy bear.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
In an official statement from the ‘department of health and safety,’ all plush play-thing owners are being told to lock their treasured toys up as securely as possible, without attempting to come in to physical contact with them.
Scientists and doctors studying the terrifying teddy attacks are now suggesting that one bite from the nasty critters could be contagious and as the strange infection spreads fast, the public are being told to remain calm and stay indoors.
All children are to be kept away from schools, employees are encouraged to stay at home and overwhelmed emergency services are asking the injured or bitten to stay away from surgeries and doctors offices… Anyone who has come into contact with the Rising Ted, are being asked to hang white sheets from their letter boxes. They will be collected by our national guard and be assisted with specialist care.
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Cuddly toy owners are being told to lock up their beloved, bedtime, buddies in a safe place until the authorities can figure out what seems to be causing the ‘horrific teddy attacks.’ As previously reported, inanimate stuffed animals seem to be coming to life and attacking their owners.
Sightings and incidents are now being reported right across the country and through parts of Europe. Citizens are asked to remain calm and stay indoors until more reports come in.
Thursday, 15 July 2010
Disturbing reports are just coming in, that for some unknown reason, inanimate stuffed animals are coming to life and attacking each other and their owners!?
Readers would have every right to consider these allegations absurd and foolish, but now incidents of this terrifying teddy bear ‘outbreak’ have been sighted in numerous cities across the UK. We’ll be bringing you more on this baffling story as and when it begins to unfold…
Wednesday, 14 July 2010
OddCo will be visiting the Harrogate Home and Gift show next week! Any retailers looking to visit us from the 18th - 21st July, can see us on stand 112 DP1.